Life
with God is everything. But without God everything is nothing.
Today,
I want to describe my way to God.
I
was born in 1984 in northern Germany. My mother is seller by
trade and my father locksmith. We never had much money, but enough to
live on. I am the first born of four children. We had a wonderful
childhood. I remember the pranks we played and the places where we
spent our time. I remember that I climbed on old dilapidated houses.
(My mother does not know of these things to this day.)
My
way to God started when I was eight years old.
At this time I did not know of the Church of Jesus
Christ of Latter-day Saints. I did not know any other church. We
children were not strictly educated in the christian faith. But my
mother always told us that there is a good force in the universe and
also an evil one. I had my first encounter with God in the winter of
1992/93. At that time I was slithering around on the ice in the city
park. While I was slithering, I looked the snow-covered landscape. I
became aware of a presence that exceeded all feeling and experience,
which I had previously experienced. I knew in that moment that God
exists. I also knew that I would find him one day. I really knew it
at that moment. I kept this experience for myself. I told no one of
that experience, not even my parents.
I
grew up, became taller, and thought more and more about my place as a
human being on this earth. I asked
myself the questions: Where do I come from? Why am I here? Where do I
go when I die? I answered these questions to myself with science when
I was 14. Back then, I thought that science could give me enough
knowledge in this matter. I no longer believed in the miraculous
stories from my mother about a God in the universe. No, this could
not be the answer. Science alone held the key to answering my
questions. Although I thought, on the one hand, that I was the
accidental product of the Big Bang, on the other hand, I started to
read and search in popular science literature.
Was I perhaps not so convinced of the model of random product? The
topics were astrophysics and Einstein's special and general theory of
relativity. One of my favorite books was "The short illustrated
history of time" by Stephen Hawking. I read every night for
several hours in these books. My mathematical understanding and my
understanding of space and time grew. I read für several months in
these books. My mother, who became aware of this conspicuous
behavior, said to me one evening this or words to that effect:
"People who explore the nature and the cosmos, are always
searching for God." She was right. But at that time I discounted
her words as superstitious drivel.
During
this period of my research I went to high school, which was right
next to my living place. One day there were representatives of
Gideons International outside the schoolyard and distributed little
green Bibles that included the New Testament and the Psalms and
Proverbs. For some reason I got two of these Bibles. After school, I
was on the road with my two buddies - I never had many friends, but
all the more enemies, classmates, who teased and mopped me. So it was
after school on this day when I had problems with a classmate. It
seemed that the only thing possible at that time, was to pelt him
with my Bible - after all, I had two of them. I did that. I hit him
right on his head. I wanted to reach for my second Bible, but for
some reason I had the feeling to keep it. As fast as I could, I ran
away from my angry classmate, who has just been smitten by the word
of God. He even got a scratch on his face. Yes, the Word of God is
powerful and mighty, "sharper than a two-edged sword, to the
dividing asunder of both joints and marrow" (Doctrine and
Covenants 6:2)1.
;)
The
other Bible found its place in my bookshelf at home.
Few months later, I thought again about my questions, and realized
that there were laws in the universe
without which life
would not be possible. The smallest minimal
deviation at the beginning of the creation of the universe, and life
would not have developed on Earth. Life that is self-conscious and
that could ask questions that would give quite a headache. Questions
that people have always asked: Where did I come from? Why am I here?
Where do I go when I die? I realized that the probability of such a
development of the life is almost zero. I also realized that the
scientific knowledge would seem to never reach the ontological
grounding of the why-question. So why am I? Why can I ask questions
about my existence and my raison d'être? Is there perhaps a supreme
being that created everything? In this moment of pondering, I was
again seized with a similar feeling that I had when I was 8 years
old. I clearly heard a voice inside of me, "Read your Bible!
Read!" I was shocked. I did not know how to classify this
experience. Was I crazy to the point that I was hearing voices? Why
was I having this overwhelming feeling to read in a book that is full
of superstitions? How could I ever find an answer to my questions in
this book?
Although
I was so shocked, I could not deny that voice. I had heard it.
And I could not deny the feeling that came with this inspiration
also. So I changed my evening reading. Instead of reading books on
the origin of the universe, I was now reading about the origins of
the Christian faith. I read in the New Testament about a man named
Jesus, who received the sovereign title 'Christ'. I read of his work,
I read his parables, his miracles. I read every night. I had a
strange feeling in the hours in which I read in the Bible. I
progressed in my reading only very slowly. For the language of that
translation was peculiar - after all, it was the german Luther
translation of the Bible. And I wanted to understand what I was
reading.
While
I was reading, I felt the desire to pray. I remembered the Lord's
Prayer. I also knew that Christians pray the Lord's Prayer. So I
prayed every night that prayer. And again this strange feeling was
there. I suddenly noticed that I was no longer alone in my room.
Although I have nit seen anyone in my room, I knew that somebody was
there. I felt the presence of a being. And I felt peace and joy
whenever prayed the Lord's Prayer.
A
half year later I had almost finished reading the New Testament. At
that time my mom met two missionaries. This was in February 2001.
She told me of her encounter with two young men who were sent by
their church here in our city. They were called Elder W. and C. Elder
('Elder' is on the one hand the name of an office in the Melchizedek
Priesthood. On the other it is also a title for those who are called
to be missionaries in the LDS church). They invited my mother to
come to church on Sunday, and gave her a brochure about the First
Vision of Joseph Smith. For some reason I immediately wanted to read
in this brochure. And so that's what we did. I read aloud what was
written in it. We read the words of a man who was in his early
teenage years in search of God. When I read that, I felt the Holy
Spirit - I had noticed in the meantime that this strange sense of
peace and joy that penetrated my heart into its deepest depths, and
the voice which I had heard, probably came from God, and that
Christians refer to this phenomenon as the Holy Spirit.
I
saw in Joseph Smith a young man who was about my age, and who was on
the search for God just as I was. My mother had heard at some
point enough from that brochure. But I continued reading in it. I
read about his experience with God, and that he had been attacked by
an unseen force of evil, before he was allowed to see God the Father
and His Son Jesus Christ. I read of his calling as a prophet and
apostle. I read from the restoration of the two priesthoods. I read
about the restoration of the Church of God through his chosen prophet
Joseph Smith. Also I read about the coming forth of the Book of
Mormon. That really interested me very much. Another scripture
comparable to the Bible, and like the Bible it gave testimony of the
divinity and the sacred mission of Jesus Christ. And when my mother
told me, that there was a church here in Greifswald, and that there
would be a church service on the upcoming Sunday, I wanted, no, I had
to go. I was so excited to see what kind of church the lds church, a
church with such a founder, a church in which there are visions,
revelations and miracles. There I had to go.
So
my mother and I went on Sunday to the church. Both Elders were
waiting outside expecting my mother. I believe that even they were
surprised that my mother really came. How often do you invite people
on the street to come to church, and how rarely is that the
invitation followed? They seemed to be even more surprised that my
mother did not come alone. We went into the church and attended their
worship service. I do not remember what was said there, who prayed,
who presided there in the meeting, or what songs were sung. But I can
remember the feeling I had when I sat there and partook of the Lord's
supper (called the sacrament in the LDS church). We were served bread
and water (instead of wine). I thought that was a bit weird, but at
this moment I received my second witness of this church. Although I
was not baptized (so I was not a member of their church that had made
a covenant with God) the Lord's Supper was something very special.
When I took it, I was again filled with the Holy Spirit so strongly
this time that I knew that there was something special about this
church and its message of the First Vision of Joseph Smith. The
feelings that I had while listening to the speeches or testimonies -
I really do not know, what was said - were not an imagination, and
above all not wishful thinking. Because I never had the desire to
join a church.
"Yes,
we can meet and talk about your faith, but I will not be baptized!"
This was my answer on the following Sunday when was asked by one of
the Elders, if I wanted to be taught by them. I received a copy of
the Book of Mormon. We met once a week to talk about the restoration,
the plan of our eternal existence and the commandments. I can still
remember that the teachings at that time were different than they are
today. At that time there was not the missionary guide "Preach
My Gospel". There were small booklet entitled "Discussion".
Of these books, there were various different topics. They included
principles and teachings, and instructions on how to properly and
sincerely bring across the message of the church. They also had
little notes telling the missionary what to look for in the reaction
of the investigators (this is someone who is interested in the
church, and therefore that someone explores/investigates the LDS
teachings). Elder W. was so young on his mission that he had no
sufficient command of the German language as his missionary companion
Elder C., who spoke very good German. Elder W. had to use the
"Discussion" booklet with the teachings and read the
sentences from it. Unfortunately, he had not noticed that he also
read the instructions on what to look for in the reaction of the
investigators. That was funny, but it discounted neither the message
nor his testimony. When he and his colleague spoke, I felt the Holy
Spirit. In their clumsy words they could still testify with might. We
had good times with Christ in our midst.
I
attended the church services regularly. I even got a church
calling before I was baptized. At that time there was no piano player
in our small congregation of believers. But since my 15th
birthday I had taken piano lessons. So I was able to assist the
worship service with music on the small, simple e-piano. I enjoyed
being a part of that little community. I received several personal
testimonies that the church is true, but still I did not want to be
baptized.
The
missionaries then told me in a meeting that they have told me all
what I needed to know about the Church in order to gain my own
testimony. The only thing that would be left is to ask God. Stubborn
as I was, and to some extent I still am stubborn, I resisted against
God. But when the missionaries have told me that I needed to pray, I
knew they were right. So in the evening of that same day I prayed in
my room. I called upon God, and expressed the desires of my heart. I
wanted to know if he was really there, if his son Jesus Christ had
really accomplished the Atonement, if the Church of Jesus Christ of
Latter-day Saints really was his church and if it is the only true
church on this earth. I wanted to know if the Book of Mormon was
actually written by Mormon and the prophets of old, which book Joseph
Smith then translated by the power of God, or whether this book was
just a cheaper but theologically successful novel. That evening, I
overcame my pride and got the answer. I noticed a presence in my
room. I was scared. But when a voice spoke to me, I felt peace and
joy penetrating deep into my soul. I heard the words: "Be
baptized! It is all true!" This evening changed my life. That
night I covenanted with God.
I
told the Elders from my experience. We rejoiced even more. We
planned the baptism. I then was interviewed to see if I really
repented and if I really wanted to enter into a covenant with God by
baptism. On the day of my baptism, while I was on the way to the
place of my baptism, Satan did his part in planting the seed of doubt
about the truthfulness of the gospel. I began to doubt, but that
experience with God at that one evening gave me strength. I was
baptized by Elder C.. He even managed to recite the baptismal prayer
wrong. Thus the baptismal prayer and the immersion had to be done
again in the proper way to be of full value. When I stepped out of
the water, I realized that my sins were washed away. I felt free, my
conscience was clear before God and man. This feeling lasted a whole
week. The week after next, I received the gift of the Holy Ghost by
the laying on of hands. I also received the Aaronic Priesthood and
was ordained in the office of priest. Since then I have remained
active in the church to this day.
Over
time, I have received various church callings. I was responsible
for the music in the community, I was a Sunday school teacher, I held
a calling in the local church leadership, I was a missionary for two
years in the South of France. After that I was again called in the
local church leadership. The church callings and my mission have
taught me a lot. Of course, I had a crisis of faith when I had doubts
about the Church's message. Doubts are normal. Doubts help us if we
keep an open heart. It can strengthen the faith. After a crisis of
faith, we can emerge stronger and help others who have doubts about
God and his church or who are on the path that leads to God.
I
love my God and I know that he is really there. I know that the
Church of Jesus Christ the only church on earth that preaches and
administers the same gospel with all its teachings, priesthood powers
and holy ordinances like the gospel which was preached and
administered at the time when Jesus walked the face of the earth. God
has really spoken to a 14-year-old boy. He has spoken to me, and he
has certainly spoken to all other members of this church. God is
there. There are miracles. The Bible is true. The Book of Mormon is
true. And the other Scriptures, which are given to the Church of God
are true.
I
invite each one of you to ponder, to think critically and to ask God
with an open heart. In the Bible it states: "If any of you
lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally,
and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him." (James 1:5.)2
And Moroni, the last writer in the Book of Mormon, who knows that the
record of his father, Mormon and his own records and enclosed records
(which is together the Book of Mormon) are true, i.e. full of truth
of the gospel of God, writes: "3Behold, I would
exhort you that when ye shall read these things, if it be wisdom in
God that ye should read them, that ye would remember how merciful
the Lord hath been unto the children of men, from the creation of
Adam even down until the time that ye shall receive these things, and
ponder it in your hearts. 4And when ye shall receive
these things, I would exhort you that ye would ask God, the
Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these things are not true;
and if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent,
having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it
unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost. 5And by the
power of the Holy Ghost ye may aknow the btruth of all
things."(Moroni 10:3-5.)3
I
have prayed and thus found God. For this I am eternally grateful.
______________________________
1The
Doctrine and Covenants of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day
Saints Containing Revelations Given to Joseph Smith, the Prophet
with Some Additions by His Successors in the Presidency of the
Church. 2013 Intellectual Reserve, Inc.
https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament?lang=eng,
2014-02-23.
2Authorized
King James Version. Published by The Church of Jesus Christ of
Latter-day Saints: 2013 Salt Lake City, Utah, USA.
https://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot?lang=eng,
2014-02-23.
3The
Church of Jesus Christ of Later-day Saints (Ed.): The Book of
Mormon. An Account Written by the Hand of Mormon upon Plates Taken
from the Plates of Nephi. Translated from the original Plates by
Joseph Smith, Jun. Intellectual Reserve, Inc.
https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm?lang=eng,
2014-02-23.
Emphasis
in italics added by the author of this blog.
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